HOW TO SPOT CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS IN NARCISSISTS?
Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. They often exhibit grandiosity, arrogance, and entitlement, believing they are unique and deserving of extraordinary treatment. They struggle with criticism and perceive it as a threat to their self-esteem. Narcissists create toxic relationships as they exploit others for their gain and expect to be praised repeatedly without reciprocation.
WHAT ARE CONTROLLING BEHAVIOURS?
In psychology, controlling behavior refers to actions taken by an individual to dominate or influence another person's thoughts, feelings, and actions. The goal of controlling behavior is to maintain power and control over another person, ensuring they act in ways that align with the controller's desires. It manifests in various forms, such as:
- manipulation
- excessive criticism
- intimidation
- isolation from friends and family
NARCISSISTS AND THEIR DISPLAY OF CONTROL:
A 2020 study thoroughly examines the behavior patterns of pathological narcissism as described by the relatives of individuals diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Observing the various indirect behavioral strategies employed to exert control over family dynamics is noteworthy. Recognizing controlling behavior in narcissists is a crucial step in understanding and dealing with their power dynamics. It equips you with the knowledge to identify patterns of behavior aimed at exerting power and maintaining dominance.
Here are key signs to watch for:
- Domineering: Narcissists often insist on making decisions without considering others' input. They usually disregard or minimize others' opinions and choices. The study conducted on narcissism indicates that viewing oneself as superior leads to seeing others as inferior, while viewing oneself as entitled involves seeing others as unworthy. Although both narcissism and self-esteem involve positive self-views, self-esteem reflects feelings of adequacy and worth rather than superiority.
- Isolation: Narcissism is deeply associated with significant social consequences. Narcissists like to isolate their partners or individuals close to them, limiting their social interactions or attempting to cut off relationships that threaten their control.
- Manipulative Tactics: They use emotional manipulation to maintain control, such as guilt-tripping, shame, bullying, and gaslighting (a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their memory, perception, or sanity).
- Jealousy and Possessiveness: Narcissists display intense jealousy and possessiveness, attempting to control who their partner interacts with or how they spend their time. They exhibit behavior alternating between charm and aggression to maintain dominance. The unpredictability of responses takes away the calm from the relationship and disrupts the mental health of the partner.
- Lack of Boundaries: Narcissists may disregard personal boundaries, invading privacy or insisting on knowing every detail of others' lives. A 2023 study narrates that narcissists struggle with boundaries and empathy because they feel others' emotions as threatening and dangerous and react with detachment and disregard.
- Threats and Ultimatums: They scrutinize and control minor details of others' lives and tasks, believing they know best and others should comply. In extreme cases, they may use threats or ultimatums to coerce compliance, exploiting others' fears or vulnerabilities.
A WORD FROM MENTAL NURTURING:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that can significantly impact relationships, work, and overall functioning. An inflated sense of self-importance characterizes it, and a lack of empathy toward others often leads to controlling behaviors. Those who are the victims of such controlling behaviours often present to professionals with mental health concerns leaning towards anxiety, depression, panic and post traumatic stress.
Suppose you ever find yourself in the loop of stress and pressure, questioning your worth and wondering, 'Am I being controlled by a narcissist?'. In that case, you must learn to pinpoint the manipulative and toxic behaviors so you can find it easier to let go.
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step in identifying controlling tendencies in narcissists. Fostering self-awareness and maintaining firm boundaries with people suffering from narcissism is crucial, providing a sense of security and control. But remember, you don't have to face this narcissistic abuse in silence — if the relationship becomes emotionally or physically abusive, seek social support from trusted individuals, and consider opening up about your mental health concerns to professional help, be it through social media or in-person therapy. Cognitive behavioural therapy is found to be effective in breaking the stigma and letting go of the toxic loops. Understanding these dynamics can empower individuals to protect their well-being and develop emotional intelligence and resilience.
RESOURCES:
1- Zhang S, Kim YK, Fingerman KL, Birditt KS, Charles ST. Narcissism, Social Experiences, and Mood in Late Life. J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2022 Aug 11;77(8):1442-1453. doi: 10.1093/geronb/gbac019. PMID: 35092423; PMCID: PMC9371453.
2- Hyatt CS, Sleep CE, Lamkin J, Maples-Keller JL, Sedikides C, Campbell WK, Miller JD. Narcissism and self-esteem: A nomological network analysis. PLoS One. 2018 Aug 1;13(8):e0201088. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0201088. PMID: 30067800; PMCID: PMC6070240.
3- di Giacomo E, Andreini E, Lorusso O, Clerici M. The dark side of empathy in narcissistic personality disorder. Front Psychiatry. 2023 Mar 30;14:1074558. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1074558. PMID: 37065887; PMCID: PMC10097942.
4- Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS. Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study. Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2020 Aug 14;7(1):19. doi: 10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8. Erratum in: Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2022 Jan 22;9(1):5. doi: 10.1186/s40479-022-00177-x. PMID: 32817795; PMCID: PMC7427292.
Written By:
Rumsha Abdul Aziz, MS Psychology
On July 25, 2024
