LETTING GO OF THE PAST AND LIVING IN THE PRESENT
WHY DO I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO LIVE IN MY PRESENT?
Living at ease is a skill that requires practice. Even in happy times, it can be challenging to stay in the present, as thoughts often wander to past traumas or future worries. The constant stimulation of our tech-driven, fast-paced world only adds to this struggle.
Rumination is a loophole of repetitive and prolonged negative thinking about oneself, one's emotions, and (upsetting) experiences. 2022 analysis highlights that such thinking is a risk factor for both the onset and continued maintenance of depression and anxiety. The inability to let go is seen as a predictor of sadness, stress, and hopelessness.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO LET GO?
When we harbor unresolved regrets, grudges, or old wounds, we frequently find ourselves caught in a vicious cycle of negativity and criticism, impeding personal development and making it difficult to find peace. These unresolved feelings sap our vitality and keep us from seizing new chances. On the other hand, letting go is a liberating and transformative act. The goal is to accept pain as a part of our journey and break free from its hold, not to erase or invalidate it. This shift in mindset helps us approach life with greater resilience and optimism.
HOW TO MOVE ON FROM THE PAST?
Here are steps to help you let go of your past:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:
To begin to let go, one must first acknowledge the events. The pain in the past only gains strength when it is avoided or repressed. Therapy, a safe and judgment-free environment, offers the reassurance and support needed to examine your emotions, trauma, memories, and experiences. Emotional healing requires self-awareness and empathy, which includes acknowledging the emotions as the first step.
2. Forgive Yourself and Others:
To let go, you must first forgive. When you harbor guilt, bullying or self-blame, you remain in the past. Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the emotional hold of bad behavior, not endorsing it. Be compassionate toward yourself and others and focus on healing. Remember, letting go is not an overnight transformation but a gradual process. Healing takes time, but every step forward, no matter how small, makes you emotionally intelligent and brings you closer to peace.
3. Learn from the past and set goals for the future:
Negative thought patterns about the past can become ingrained. But remember, you have the power to challenge their veracity and replace them with empowering ideas. The past holds valuable lessons. Reflect on what happened and identify what you've learned from those experiences. Cultivating a positive mindset is a key part of letting go. Set meaningful goals that align with your current values and aspirations. Working toward something you care about shifts your focus from the past to the possibilities ahead.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive people:
Meaningful social interaction and learning with positive people have the potential to uplift and inspire you. Share your journey with loved ones or join a community that fosters personal growth and allows for open conversations about mental well-being. At times, it's vital to consult a mental health professional for a customized approach to problems and for breaking the stigma of mental health.
2021 Research suggests that social relationships are powerful enough that their perceived quality in a person's life is comparable with standard risk factors such as smoking, blood pressure, and physical activity.
A WORD FROM MENTAL NURTURING:
Holding on to the past—whether tied to regret, loss, or unresolved emotions—can weigh us down and keep us from fully experiencing the present. As a therapist, I often work with individuals who feel trapped by their past, presenting with post-traumatic stress and suicidal ideation, and I assure them that letting go is not about forgetting but about finding peace and moving forward. Remember that the present is a gift; it's an opportunity to take control of your life and live it to the fullest.
More often than not, reflection on the past is healthy and serves as a medium for adaptive preparation for the future. However, it is frequently perceived as intrusive and difficult to disengage from. By accepting your feelings, forgiving others, and cultivating mindfulness, you can break free from past constraints and build a future full of possibilities. Letting go is a journey that leads to a profound sense of relief, enabling you to recover your vitality and concentrate on the here and now, where life happens.
RESOURCES:
1- Costa-Cordella S, Arevalo-Romero C, Parada FJ, Rossi A. Social Support and Cognition: A Systematic Review. Front Psychol. 2021 Feb 23;12:637060. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.637060. PMID: 33708164; PMCID: PMC7941073.
2- 9 Tips on How to Let Go of the Past with Tony Robbins. (n.d.). Tony Robbins.
https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/let-go-past
3- Merluzzi TV, Salamanca-Balen N, Philip EJ, Salsman JM. "Letting go" - Relinquishing control of illness outcomes to God and quality of life: Meaning/peace as a mediating mechanism in religious coping with cancer. Soc Sci Med. 2023 Jan;317:115597. doi: 10.1016/j.socscimed.2022.115597. Epub 2022 Dec 7. PMID: 36535230; PMCID: PMC9962851.
4- The importance of being present (and how to do it). (2023, April 19). Virtuagym.
Written by:
Rumsha Abdul Aziz, MS Psychology,
On March 23, 2025
